Alright, so this last month and a half has been kind of heavy on me, four people that I knew have passed away, one of the+m was my grand father. The day he passed away was like any other day for me, I was not working and I decided to go play some magic with a friend of mine. As we were hanging out I glanced at my phone and noticed I miss three calls, so I immediately thought to myself, "Gee, this must be good news."
So I picked up the phone and called my mom. When she picked up the phone she simply stated, "He passed away. He's gone." To which I broke out into a fit of cursing, because there I was screwing around on my day off while my grand father died. Shit happens, and in my case, it really did happen.
I gathered my composure and then I continued about my day, went and played a standard match in which I got my ass handed to me every game, but I did not really care, I also got my fourth
Deathmist Raptor.
My deck was a shitty White/Green Warrior deck and managed to win one game against a guy who thought it was a good idea to have all dual mana's in deck rather than using basic mana. Which worked in my favor because it took him twice as long to do anything.
Magic the gathering is a recent hobby of mine, and in a short period of time I have dropped quite a bit of money on the game. So far, the only luck I've had so far with the game is pulling Four Deathmist Raptors and a few other rares.
Enough about MtG, let's talk about my feelings regarding my grandfather's passing, which to be honest, really was not much. When I think about him, the only emotion I can conjure is frustration, frustration from dealing with a man so stubborn and broken that he'd rather die because he based his value as a human begin on the relationship he had with his wife so that when she passed away he decided life was no longer worth living and just gave up.
In a way, gramps taught me a valuable lesson, which is, don't seek validation through other people, otherwise you'll spend your entire life wasting away waiting for someone to acknowledge you. Truth is, my grandfather gave several examples of exactly how not to live my life.
Which is sad.
It's not all bad though, because he was here, and he did sort of participate if only out of reluctance and some kind of vague semblance of interest in the lives of those around him. So if I was pressed to really say anything about him, I guess I could say I loved him, unconditionally.
Other news: I went to a memorial for someone else I knew who passed away, Lee.
At his funeral I found out a lot of things that I had not known, like him having a daughter, or that he had served briefly in the Marine Corpse. For most of the time I knew Lee he seemed like a cranky old ham who mostly peddled junk, but last year when I had heard he came down with cancer I actually made an effort to get to know the man, I saw what Lee had down for others, and what he had meant to not just to the club we belonged too, but also to those outside of the hobby. I had the opportunity to say a few words about him, and I told everyone at his memorial about the last time I had seen him which was at the Orlando Hamcation in February, where despite being broke I made the effort to go up there and see Lee along with my parents. The first thing suggest to me was, "Let's go eat some barbeque," so we did. That one antidote uplifted the mood of all who were there, and I kind of surprised myself, because I was not nearly as nervous about talking in front of a group of people.
Lee was a great guy, he will be missed. Along with gramps, Ray, and John Coffee. People come and go, but what's important is to remember the impact they had on your life, and how they affected it while they were there. Don't waste your time worrying about things you cannot control, just live your life and love openly, not just for yourself, but for others as well.
