Out of Gas...

Time for me to write about something most people can relate with; the cost of gasoline. See, as time progresses, the cost of gas goes up. And you know what really sucks? High gas prices. Mostly because in America if you want to go anywhere, you gotta  buy it. So what's your best option, aside from car pooling that smelly guy from work who collects life-sized dolls of questionable ages?

You could buy a Prius and drive a plain, uncool car.

Exudes images of "stale bread..."

You could buy a hybrid that catches on fire in the event of a crash.

Fire, oh my!

Or, you can buy a compact car, that given any accident, will sheer apart and likely kill you and anyone else in the car.

The stripes make it faster!

Neither one of those options sounds appealing, so then, what do you do?

Walk.

Of course I am kidding, walking sucks. I don't like things that suck. So I drive a compact, most specifically, the one pictured above. If you have not noticed, it's yellow, because just like me, it's awesome. Also, the color makes it go faster a la Maddox.

One of the many reasons why I love my car though is the gas mileage.

If you can't tell from this low res photo, the odometer reads "373.0."

In case you're wondering, the stepper motors in my dash have stopped working, and I do have the replacement parts and it's on my list of "Stuff I will eventually do."

Now about my car: 

Make: Chevy Cavalier, possibly one of the most poor received cars in recent history, earning a reputation for being a cheap low quality car that often fell apart regardless of whether or not you maintained it. This used to bother me a lot, but then I owned a crappy beat-down Volvo and I realized something, the outside of the car, or even the inside really does matter, so long as it drives down the road and accomplishes it main goal of transporting you from Point A to Point B then that is all that matters.

Engine: 2.2 Ecotec, Four cylinder, produces about 140 HP and about 150 foot pounds of torque. The car is known to be very sluggish and slow, going 0-60 in about 9 seconds, and completing a quarter mile in about 17 seconds, which is not all to impressive.

Body: J-body, arguably one of the worst platforms GM ever made. They produced  a Cadillac version of this car that was hailed as the worst Cadillac ever made.

Transmission: Five-Speed, I find automatics to be a bit dull, but there's one advantage they have, you can talk on the phone and not worry about shifting...

Everything else: Paint's failing, driver seating is coming apart, and I am missing my tire iron.

Bottom line: I love my car, despite it being a piece of crap, I'd be even happier if I had my crappy old Volvo 240 Station wagon, hell I even suggest my Dad go back up to Georgia, trade his Volvo for the crappy Volvo, and then trade my car for that crappy Volvo ('cause it's a five speed and you can tow it behind a motor home).

I think this song neatly ties everything up and with that, I conclude my tireless drivel.

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I suck at First Impressions.

I think this is a common issue with people my age. We tend to give people the wrong impression the first time we them, and it is usually because we're lazy, and sometimes we just do not care. I know personally I have screwed up first impressions more times than I can count. The hard part is living with that and moving on.

Moving on would be easy, if only I could stop dwelling on those mistakes. I guess that is what I have had to learn, which is to not dwell on my mistakes. Sometimes that is difficult, because the amount of things I have to dwell on are ever expanding. Most recently I have suffered some social loss, mostly in the form of some long term friends, people whom I have known since pretty much the time I move over to the East coast of Florida. I really do not know what I did, but they no longer wish to associate with me, which is a real bummer.

See I could move on, if I did not get this nagging feeling at night reminding of all the relationships and bridges I have burnt in my time. I try to occupy my brain with other activities to distract me from these things, and yet somehow my brain manages to remind of exactly where and what I did long and torments with the idea that if I had the chance I could do it better, but I digress, dwelling on these things does me no good, I need only move forward.

Speaking of moving forward, what am I going to do? I have a tendency of announcing to people my lofty goals, and then falling completely short of those goals, mostly because I find an excuse to not pursue that goal, or I give up in some kind of fit of futility. That's the part of me that I struggle with, the one that keeps reminding me of the futility of it all, that EVEN if I do achieve my short term goals, somehow in the end my long term goal just turns to complete crap because it does not matter what I do, I am still stuck in the same shitty circumstance.

Maybe my attitude sucks?

To take a page from Socrates himself, when asked about the secret of success from a young man who he ended up walking out in the deep end of river and holding his head under water til he had to fight violently to get a breathe of air, relating that the sensation of fighting for the air at the time is just like how you become successful; you have to want it hard enough to fight for no matter what.

A lot of the fighting I have been doing as of late has been with myself though, I am constantly fighting the urge to just give up and jump in front of train, or maybe even on coming traffic and just end the struggle all together.  I am to stubborn to do that however, because I realize that is an easy way out, and despite how much my life SUCKS right now, it will SUCK LESS down the road.

Do I have a plan for success? Not exactly, I am not really the planning type, but then again, I am at the point in my life where I need to cut the bull shit and start doing the things that will ultimately make me successful which means I need to seriously invest some time into myself pinpoint exactly where and what I want to do with my life.

I got a little detracted. What does this have to do with first impressions? I guess I give people the impression that I am some kind of sad sack who is mostly coasting through life, which is mostly true. It's time for a change, and I am going to make that change. I once again publicly humiliate myself stating that I will achieve a major change in life and that I will amount to something within the next three months or so.

Here's a video from Eliot Hulse, a guy that's helped me with a lot of the shit going on in my head:

Musical Wendnesday Triple Play!

This may be a bit late, but that's mostly because I am lazy, and mostly because it took me all day to finally decide on what songs I will post today.

First, however, let me give you some background, I was in Middle School when I first started watching regularly and one of the first series I was exposed to was Cowboy Bebop. Cowboy Bebop has by far one of the best sound tracks of any anime I have watched. That is why the first song I post here is this one:

The raw emotion of the lyrics of this song spoke to me at the time because I was going through the typical angsty teenager phase of my life. When I hear this song it brings me back to a simpler time when the only thing I had to worry about was finishing my home work, but instead opting to play Rune Scape till two o'clock in the morning and then doing it on the boss or during lunch because I am lazy.

Then there's this:

Green Bird is a great song, though I do not really understand what is being said, the visuals of this sequence convey a message of sadness and regret, not being able to set it right.

And finally: 

The ending sequence of this series was simply amazing, it ends on an ambiguous note of whether or not Spike died or not. These scenes inspired me and helped me through my hard times.

Anyway, let me know what you guys think (if anyone else other than bots is actually reading the crap I post) and what you want me to cover next. Eventually I'll start writing more interesting stuff.

If I had a Nickle for Every Damn Dime, I'd Have Half the Time... (Musical Wednesday)

Your Life:

I want to start off by saying that Modest Mouse has to be one of my favorite bands. I know there are people out there who claim that they have sold out, but for some reason I still really like their music, even if it is a bit repetitive and sometimes just down right bad at times. I guess in some ways their music reminds me of driving around town with my brother in his beat-up Honda Civic.

My brother moved 3,000 miles away recently, he's living out in Colorado, so in a way, Modest Mouse is standing in for the void that he left, and it brings me back to the time when he was at least 30 miles away.

Enough about my brother though, onto the song. This song sticks with me because it acknowledges something that most of us are afraid to admit, that if we could have anything we wanted, in a perfect world, we would still find a way to be unhappy or disappointed. Looking back, even at my own life, I tell you I have a lot of regrets, things that I wish I had handled differently, or things that I could have done to prevent my current situation, but what I have found is that dwelling on that stuff only drags me down and makes it harder for me to move forward with myself. 

So maybe I am frustrated and perturbed but I keep moving forward, looking eagerly to the next day. I realize everything is temporary, and that things will either change for the better or worse and that I cannot control it, so instead I just accept things as they are and continue with my life. Enough about that though, listen to the song, tell me what you think, and if you would like to hear more of it.